ang puso at ang kumunoy!

These past few days were a consistent buzz of women in a hurting relationship:
·       From a friend who choose a rebound boyfriend, the other one broke her heart
·      To students blackmailing their ex-bfs to come back or they will commit suicide
·      To wives not being led by their husbands
·      To students being stuck in a lesbian relationship, even whey have a way out
·      To women giving away their virginity to a man who is manipulative and non-committed

My heart goes out to them.

Truth be told, it is way too easy to judge and correct their bad decisions and you will remain to be right. We can go about hearing them out with great sincerity but at the back of our minds we’ve already made out a scheme of how to lecture them and teach them the easiest way out. Those things are quite easy and I admit I have chosen that route a lot of times.

But an even greater truth is that my heart is no way greater than the ones they have. Given their unloving environment, a whole bunch of insecurities and hurts, add up deeply embedded lies from the enemy and I might find myself as well in those situations or might even do worse. My heart is sinful just like theirs and this remains to be a timeless truth:

The heart is deceitful above all things 
and beyond cure. Jeremiah 17:9
Changing our situation comes first with the acknowledgment that <insert your name here> heart is deceitful and beyond cure. In tagalog, yung heart mo alam ng mahuhulog sa kumunoy, tumalon pa rin at nagtataka kung bakit sya nalunod, oo ganun kabobo ang heart natin, walang exempted dito.
Amidst the warning, we enjoy choosing to move towards danger until its too late
That’s the truth and it hurts but unless we convince ourselves that it’s the only truth then we will never find ourselves on the road to recovery, hindi tayo mare-rehab.
I am fully convince of that truth and anytime I would choose to backslide from that conviction God has made sure to surround me with more than a hundred friends who will get on my face and remind me of that (Salamat sa lahat ng gumagawa nito sa ken-i am forever grateful) plus the Holy Spirit’s never ending conviction.
I DON’T TRUST MY HEART and by God’s grace I hope I never will.
I know my heart is capable of selling me out, kaya ng puso kong:
a.    mamigay ng free hugs and kisses
b.    maging devoted for life
c.    maging martyr
d.    ipamigay pati ang kaluluwa ko
e.    ibenta ang buo kong kinabukasan
f.     ibigay ang lahat-lahat

   for the price of what:
·      a daily dose of affirmation, someone who will simply say how beautiful I am
·      a man who will listen, whose willing to give his shoulders to cry on
·      my dream guy-my real life Robin Padilla
·      for companionship, so that you wont feel alone
·      for pressure, dahil lahat ng tao sa paligid ko in a relationship
·      for the that feeling of being greatly pursued
·      for the attention and the gifts
·      for acceptance and “love”
for the things my family did not give me
for all the things my dad did not show
     
    other hearts would even give in to less
·      for an I love you text or kahit sa smiley man lang
·      for a great dinner
·      for a convenient mode of transportation
·      para sa 1 dosenang roses or sampaguitang galing sa simbahan 
·      and a never ending list of the wrong definition of love
Ladies don’t trust your heart, ihuhulog ka nyan sa kumunoy!
Surround yourself with Godly women friends na willing kang hukayin sa kumunoy kahit ilang beses ka ng nahulog dun. Be humble, ask for accountability, live in the light not a double life. Make it a habit to confess your tendencies-your dreams, your desires, your emotions to a trusted matured women who fears God. You will never go wrong if you don’t live your life alone and isolated from Godly people.
I HAVE GIVEN UP MY HEART and im confident He will keep it forever.
16 years ago, lahat na yata ng pwede maling talunan, tinalunan na ng puso ko-kumunoy, balon, manhole, bobo yan ang identity ng puso ko noon. I got tired eventually, syempre yung heart ko sugatan, gusgusin, dead by all standards. God had mercy on me, alam ko matagal na nya kong tinatawag, antigas lang ng puso ko. CPR moment, God revived my heart, gave me hope, redefined my heart’s identity. I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to take my heart back, no matter how good looking it is now, shiny, clean and full of life.
I have given my heart to Jesus and I will only share it to the man He will entrust it to.  I know there will be many times I will struggle and try to get it and give it to just anybody who would satisfy what I want right now. But I also know that a heart who has been fully saturated with His love would no longer thrive in a cheap temporary kind of love. Jesus has locked my heart to be completely His to ensure that the only one can pry it open is someone who knows Him as well. I would never regret the times:
A.   God has broken my heart because im trying to fit it from someone of the worlds
B.   God did not answer my prayers because it is not His will
C.    God has to discipline to teach me who’s the Boss
D.   God has rescued me from temptations over and over again
Masakit, mahirap, hindi ka laging masaya, kaya totoo nga ang sabi nila
“Ang true love ay para sa matatapang na tao lamang.” (My Amnesia Girl)
Everyday is a decision to obey, to give in, to waive my rights to my definition of happiness, to give up the right to choose what I want. By God’s grace this is the price I choose to pay for the sake of an everlasting love, no richest man can give me in his entire lifetime.
Ladies, the man that exceeded everything you can hope for or imagine is not a fairy tale, He is alive. Magmumukhang gusgusin si Thor kung ico-compare mo sila. He came down here on earth hindi lang para isave ang isang Lois Lane, but He choose to be fully human (not an alien, nor a demi-god) to save you-oo ikaw na sa mga mata mo at ng ibang tao feeling mo undeserving ng isan tunay na Prince Charming. 

Hindi lang buhay nya ang ibibigay nya sayo, not just the the moon, the sun and stars but a life that is out of this world literally and beyond time. The man who literally caught the grenade, jump in front of the train to pay for all the sins we have committed and continues to commit. He’s name is Jesus, are you willing to surrender your heart to Him?

My Fire Within

Countless photos, hundreds of testimonies, i cannot even imagine the number of tweets, Instagram or Facebook post about Ignite -truly it is beyond experience, no pictures and quotes would justify what God did in Cuneta last May 29-31. But what Im going to write today is not about the impact that it made but rather my personal journey towards it-this is me debriefing myself 🙂

Let me start off by saying the last 2 months was not what I anticipated it to be. I was faith-filled, dreaming, believing for things i know are way far than my reach yet at the same time i know it was too little for God. Consider me the crazy girl who always wants to reach for the sky and touch the stars-that’s me. God has gifted me with an oversized imagination and has wired me to audaciously keep asking Him to make those things a reality. I actually do tire myself just thinking, dreaming and hoping.

But instead of a dream come true, what I got was disappointment , discouragement and a wounded faith. I was believing for a brand new phone instead my old phone broke, believing God to go to World Conference and Disneyland in Florida, my visa got denied for the third time. To top it all, we found out my dad has aortic aneurysm, a ticking time bomb inside his chest, all of a sudden fear just came rushing to my heart. From the scariest thought: What if I woke up one day and he’s no longer there? to my small wishes: Who’s going to walk me down the aisle?And then there’s the constant pressure at work, certain people that tests every bit of your well mustered remaining emotional quotient.I was rob of joy, i was crying, pleading, grumbling, begging until there was nothing left to do but stand still and let everything sift you through, hoping you can stand despite it all.

And then there was the 3 days of Ignite, being fully soaked and saturated with God’s presence, all I can do was repent, be renewed and worship God!  I was glad He met me, I was glad that I’m not just a face in the crowd of 9600, I was glad that it was not just an event to ticked off nor was it doing my work.
God met me and laser beamed on my sins:
no matter how you termed it or downgrade it,
discouragements, anxieties, fear does not please a Holy God
nor was He happy that i was nurturing my broken faith
BOOM!!

God showed His Identity: HOLINESS
God showed His Nature: CONSUMING FIRE
and there I was as if I was a born again again

Then the fire of the LORD fell and consumed the burnt offering and the wood and the stones and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench. 1kings 13:38
The FIRE of the Lord LICKED UP THE WATER  and all my storms, my broken dreams, and wounded faith went up in smokes. God’s fire set me ablaze that everything else became a shadow compared to His Holiness and Great Call.
So meet the new me branded, seared and forged with a Fire from the Holy Spirit!
Im not just believing for the impossible, I’m going to see the the unthinkable, 
unheard of and unseen thus far be a living reality
Im not just gonna go around campuses in our nation but I will be going to Asia, Africa and Europe to preach the gospel to students and train campus missionaries.

I will not only see this Fire spread in my generation, I will leave a great legacy for my future grandchildren to enjoy
If you don’t believe me, ask my God
Its time to join the revolution God has started
Its time to be set apart for His purposes alone
Its time to spread the Fire and live in the supernaturals
The time is today!